THIS WEEK’S GRAPHIC
Is a quotation that reads, “In difficult moments, seek God. In quiet moments, worship God. In painful moments, trust God. In every moment, thank God.” Another reads, “HOPE: The cork on the net that keeps the soul from sinking in despair.” The graphics are free for use in your non-profit organization’s publications, and can be downloaded at www.timothyreport.com
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Welcome to THE TIMOTHY REPORT for May 17, 2004
“To assist, encourage, enable and equip”
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PROBLEMS AND SOLUTIONS
No Problem Quiz
For each of these questions, there is a "No Problem!" answer. How many will you have a problem with?
1. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
2. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how hard would it be for four men to build it in ten hours?
3. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
4. How can a man go eight days without sleep and still be well-rested?
5. How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end?
"No Problem" Answers:
1. No problem! Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
2. No problem! After all, it is already built, so it takes no time at all.
3. No problem! You will never find an elephant with one hand.
4. No problem! He sleeps at night.
5. No problem! There is no dirt in the hole.
AND GOD SAYS: “I AM THE LORD; IS ANYTHING TOO DIFFICULT FOR ME?” The answer: NO PROBLEM!
(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, www.timothyreport.com
May 17, 2004)
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SOLITUDE, QUIET TIME
That is the source of Jeremiah’s living persistence, his creative constancy. He was up before the sun, listening to God’s Word. Rising early, he was quiet and attentive before his Lord. Long before the yelling started, the mocking, the complaining, there was this centering, discovering, exploring time with God.
--Eugene Peterson
(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, www.timothyreport.com
May 17, 2004)
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REVENGE (Humor)
The Curtain Rods
After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded to live in the couple's multi-million dollar mansion, and since the man's lawyers were a little better than his wife's and he prevailed and was granted the house. He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out.
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a jar of caviar.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning &mopping and airing the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off powerful gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit... Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...
..including the curtain rods.
(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, www.timothyreport.com
May 17, 2004)
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LOST, BUT NOW I AM FOUND
NOTE: the following story would be a good introduction for use with Luke 15. Richard G. Wimer included it in his e-mail newsletter “Wit and Wisdom.” To Subscribe, send an e-mail to: witandwisdom-on@lists.tagnet.org
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Ron and Terry Stewart of Oliver Springs, Tennessee purchased a campground. Ron, who likes to tromp around with a metal detector, was indulging his hobby on their new property. Sweeping the ground one day, his metal detector signaled a find. As he dug around in the soil, he found a ring that had once belonged to an Avon Park Red Devil, Class of 1975. The ring bore the initials W.L.M.
Ron and Terry set about to find its owner. A bit of research located the school, and they e-mailed the high school in Avon Park that is located about 65 miles south of Orlando. The person who received their inquiry checked the school yearbook for 1975, found a photo of William L. (Bill) Murphy, and consulted with another teacher about the possibility that the class ring just might belong to him.
That other teacher was Jill Murphy. Bill's wife, you see, just happens to be the swim coach at Avon Park High School. She confirmed it. Bill had indeed lost his ring shortly after getting it. He had lost it 26 years ago on a camping trip to Tennessee.
With its owner identified, the Stewarts mailed the ring to Jill Murphy at the school. She kept everything a secret, however, until October 12, 2001, Jill and Bill's 21st wedding anniversary. She gave her husband a very special surprise that day by putting the ring back on his hand.
According to Jill, her husband was "stunned" when he opened the box and saw what was in it. Now there is a sense of relief, a sense of delight.
Source: Christian Voices, http://www.christianvoices.org
(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, www.timothyreport.com
May 17, 2004)
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PASTOR, ARE YOU GUILTY?
I have heard preachers who are gifted at making the Bible boring. How tragic! The Scriptures are filled with such wonderful stories and truth. To extract the life from the Book and then transmit the remaining sediment to an audience is to me a sin. The same holds true for us who read it. Don’t fly through the passages just to mark off your daily reading. It is better to break the Bread of Life and taste it than to gulp it down whole.
--Doug Herman
(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, www.timothyreport.com
May 17, 2004)
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DIVORCE AND MINISTRY
In her new book, “A Beautiful Offering,” (Nelson Books, 2004, pp. 64-65), Angela Thomas writes:
In this last season, life has pounded on my door with a fury. I have been in ministry for almost twenty years. Sometimes on staff at a church, sometimes teaching a women’s Bible study, sometimes writing, and sometimes on the road. In between and through all the events of my life, there has been an unparalleled knowing that I am supposed to study and give out the truth of God’s Word. Then I was divorced.
Remember that I have been a legalist. We are the ones who throw stones. We are quick to judge without knowledge. We feed rumors and incline our heads to hear more. We label the messy people and gossip about the sinners and shake our heads in disgust. And when you have been a legalist in ministry, it’s not pretty. And it’s not ministry. And it couldn’t possibly be what Jesus had in mind when He said, “Go and teach them about Me.”
So in divorce, I expected God to put a “D” on my back and send me to the end of the line. I was sure that He would say, “I can’t use you anymore. Your days in front people in My name are over. You will still make heaven, but maybe you should run along to law school and find something else to do with your life.” I guess I expected God to label me the way I had labeled others.
I called everyone I had been associated with and told them what was happening. It was as painful a truth as I have ever spoken. The shame was huge. I laid everything about ministry down and fully expected that it would go away forever. And then I wound myself tightly into a ball and waited for the judgment that was sure to come. And some came, randomly, from the weirdest places and people. But more than anything, I began to hear the voice of Mercy call my name. And then one day, Mercy said, “Stand up. I have work for you.”
“But there’s a ‘D’ on my back and my life is broken,” I protested.
“The ‘D’ must be covered by the blood of Jesus, because I can’t see it,” Mercy replied.
I had forgotten that in my deepest pain, I had begun to pray, “God, please have mercy on me. Send mercy, O Father, send mercy.”
And He did.
NOTE:
Folks, I realize I am taking a chance here, but whether we like it or not, there are a whole lot of people in our congregations who are divorced. Do they have anything to offer the Kingdom of God? Of course they do. But in many churches, we will forgive almost any sin except divorce. Why is that? In many churches, we will elect men as deacons and elders who cheat at their jobs, who perhaps even commit adultery, who are unkind to their children, whose children are in constant trouble, whose wives even gossip (in CLEAR violation of Scripture!) yet if he is divorced, we tell him, “Sorry!”
Take a long look at the divorced members of your church. Do they have something they can offer? Is there some place they can serve?
Isn’t it time to extend mercy?
(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, www.timothyreport.com
May 17, 2004)
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LISTEN TO HIM
Don’t evaluate your situation until you have heard from Jesus. He is the Truth of all your circumstances.
--Henry Blackaby and Claude King
(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, www.timothyreport.com
May 17, 2004)
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HE TAKES CARE OF US
He only is our Maker
Of all things near and far;
He paints the wayside flower,
He lights the evening star;
The winds and waves obey him
By him the birds are fed;
Much more to us, his children,
He gives our daily bread.
--Matthias Claudius
(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, www.timothyreport.com
May 17, 2004)
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TOMORROW
Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either he will shield you from suffering, or he will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace, then. Put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.
--Francis of Sales
(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, www.timothyreport.com
May 17, 2004)
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SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
Nearly everytime Jesus is mentioned in the Scriptures as being at the right hand of God, He is sitting. Nearly everytime. But there is one instance, and only one that I can find, where Jesus is seen standing on the right hand of God. What significance is that, and how can it encourage and comfort us when a loved one has died?
Always on the search for another story or illustration? Ever hesitate to use any particular story because you've used it too many times already?
Here's a solution! "Funeral Ideas and Illustrations" contains more than 100 stories, poems, and quotations for use in funerals or in Bible studies or sermons on death.
The items found in this collection come from a wide variety of sources. There may be some stories and/or poems you've used for years, and there are some you've never seen before. Some of the sermon outlines and messages are original material. And it's only $5.
In this collection, you will find:
--A sermon specifically designed for the Thanksgiving Season
--A poem written by a wife and son of a relatively young man who passed away.
--What a man wrote after losing three children to death
--Which hymn encouraged Daniel Webster in his final hours
--What Golda Meir said when asked if Israel would allow Nikita Kruschev's body to be buried in Israel
--An encouraging poem which is great to use in a funeral when a grieving spouse is left behind.
--A portion of a letter a Godly woman left behind for her family to read after she had gone on to be with the Lord.
--Mary Pickford's wonderful analogy of death
--Cardinal Joseph Bernardin's viewpoint of his own approaching death
--The word early Christians used to describe the place where they placed the bodies of loved ones when they died--a comforting, encouraging thought!
Visit http://www.timothyreport.com/funeral.html to view sample illustrations and to learn how to get your copy.
(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, www.timothyreport.com
May 17, 2004)
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